Help I can't decide!!!

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Help I can't decide!!!

Postby Kaki » Sat Nov 04, 2006 10:46 pm

Sorry...
Last edited by Kaki on Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
I repair dictionaries with duct tape.
Kaki
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: Iberia

Postby Saturn » Sun Nov 05, 2006 12:10 pm

Interesting project and I like what you've done, if a little bit blasphemous :wink:

Might I suggest a different line for you to inset in the space in the first stanza?



This living hand, capable and thus warm
Of earnest grasping, but were it cold, lay
In the icy silence of the tomb, mourn
So haunting thy nights’ dreams, chilling thy days,
I'll torment thy mind and on thy reason prey
That thou would wish thine own heart of blood clear,
So in my veins red life again might stay,
And thou be conscience – calm’d – see it is here –
I hold it towards you, if you will hear.

Not very good I realise but just a suggestion in keeping with the previous line.

If not this, I think you should use the second line you came up with.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
Saturn
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Postby Kaki » Sun Nov 05, 2006 2:42 pm

Thanks Saturn, I like the idea of following the previous line and it has the same use in the poem. So....

Ruin thy mind, on thy sanity prey,

This living hand, capable and thus warm
Of earnest grasping, but were it cold, lay
In the icy silence of the tomb, mourn
So haunting thy nights’ dreams, chilling thy days,
Ruin thy mind, on thy sanity prey,
That thou would wish thine own heart of blood clear,
So in my veins red life again might stay,
And thou be conscience – calm’d – see it is here –
I hold it towards you, if you will hear.
I repair dictionaries with duct tape.
Kaki
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: Iberia


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