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Boulevard--(I welcome the feedback, guys)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 4:39 pm
by dks
I know I tend to impart my feelings via metaphor--but, it's just the way I write...just finished this one. What do you think?

Boulevard

These trees—they know nothing of it.
Their shoots and tender reeds unwitting.

They wait,
Like matchstick sentries,
Not one glittering tip acquainted.

Cooling units buzz
Above interstate murmurs, a distant riot,
Just to the north of my blind fence line.

All day long—nothing but the cat
Walking up the drive—a faint soft shoe—
A drowsy, idle prowl.

These trees herald my acceleration,
Their rustling calls
To the shy, vanishing afternoon.

Carelessly, they wake the chained dog,
And usher in, on September’s gust,
His husky, yammering howl.

WOW!!

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 5:07 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
Wow ,absolutely stunning,Darling its magnificant,it truly is

These trees—they know nothing of it.
Their shoots and tender reeds unwitting.

I love when you said about the trees know nothing of it,because it gives off that you and only you know of it,its powerful and you know it.The trees seem to be a force which the poem revolves around ,its fantastic.

Cooling units buzz
Above interstate murmurs, a distant riot,
Just to the north of my blind fence line.

You give poetry such a true meaning,its a blend you have with words it just feels so right to the reader.I love what you said describing the cat its those little things from your keen eye you pick up which makes it even more wonderful,it gives it depth,more emotion and that you know of your surrounding.

These trees herald my acceleration,
Their rustling calls
To the shy, vanishing afternoon.

It is not the trees,its these trees which show a familarity with them,their rustling calls to the shy ,vanishing afternoon ,absolutely fucking wow wow you create a image ,its amazing i love that verse,i love the sound the feel of to the shy,vanishing afternoon it gives me that feeling when i read keats and some yeats,like its so right and so beautiful.You express it in such a delicate yet powerful way.

Carelessly, they wake the chained dog,
And usher in, on September’s gust,
His throaty, yammering howl.


The dog is chained which gives a tied down expression,
Then you balance the poem out which gives it an on edge appeal by the use of dog and cat,its such a balance i love your poetry ,its uniquel,i LOve how you convey,display that feeling,the words you use have such depth so easy to read straight off my tongue and i feel the blocks ,thoughts and roots behind it all.

I really think the world needs your poetry i want all to understand your significance and beauty its way fucking better than stuff out their ,if that was out in keats time or yeats time you would of got more recognition and fame no doubt.

Such a solid,gripping master piece 10/10

Doesnt Denise deserve to be out their,give her an encore :D ;) :)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 6:53 pm
by dks
:oops: :oops:

Oh, Edward. You are a tad biased, are you not? :roll: :lol:

Denise

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 7:00 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
8) :lol: :D :wink: :lol: :D :wink:

;)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 7:03 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
To write that my Denise,you do deserve an encore.
Its beautiful just like you :D

From the way you write,the way you shine and that eternal twinkle in your eye,you look like a girl in love :D :D

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 8:04 pm
by dks
:oops: Any other feedback, folks? :roll:

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 11:21 pm
by Saturn
I don't understand it obviously but I like it.

That's all I can say.

Saturn

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 11:33 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
Read it a few times more saturn,its emotionally tied to those trees,i love denises poetry its like sailing a lost sea finding a new island with new flowers and a pot of gold.

And i mean that denise ,she has a gift,one will always breathe :) :)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 11:37 pm
by Saturn
She is certainly a very gifted poetess 8)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:10 am
by dks
Saturn wrote:I don't understand it obviously but I like it.

That's all I can say.


Perhaps I should hang up the pen for a sabbatical.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 8:53 am
by Saturn
dks wrote:
Saturn wrote:I don't understand it obviously but I like it.

That's all I can say.


Perhaps I should hang up the pen for a sabbatical.


That was not a negative comment - I meant it is so very personal that I'll never understand the full meaning of the metaphors :roll:

Please don't hang up your pen dks.
I always look forward to your poems. God knows I have precious few things to look forward to but I always am delighted when you post one of your excellent poems :(

Denise

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:08 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
I agree Denise never let that pen go remember that ,you have a gift and the more you write the more you open and bloom,every one of your poems is beautiful and from your heart,its important to always have that expression :)

Im behind you all the way,poetry is in your blood you just have to keep breathing it out onto the world,its the best poetry that i have read ,its unique and totally blows all thats out their away.

Saturn these trees are emotional tied you see,and they act the way denise is feeling,when she is not their ,their calm and peaceful but what she finds is that they act how she is feeling,the trees dont know about it as its denise emotion,but they act they way she feels at times i love the meaning and exploration of her poems.

Wonderful denise,absolutely wonderfull :):)

Denise :) :)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:23 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
They wait,
Like matchstick sentries,
Not one glittering tip acquainted.


The trees are their ,but its such a symblo to use,and you see when she says a drowsy idle prowl its really her that is drowsy and tired of everything going on,she depicts it so well,their is a riot all around her it feels like she is trapped with these emotions and its a riot within herself but again she says its out their,She has the poetic feel of inner and outer

All day long—nothing but the cat
Walking up the drive—a faint soft shoe—
A drowsy, idle prowl.


She sees just the cat all the day,which again inside she cant find anything else because of her emotions,and she acts as the cat she is tired,yet she is on the prowl searching for what she is looking for so its a battle of emotions,she sheds light of the prowl the hunt for what she wants within herself,its quite an image too,i just love it.
The prowl also is an indication of stealth that she keeps behind her emotionsbecause of this tiredness and drowsy feeling she has.

These trees herald my acceleration,
Their rustling calls
To the shy, vanishing afternoon.

Days grow short,she wants to speed up somewhat,then she has the trees as waking up the chained dog,and this then brings about a gust of wind which comes with her emotion that its all happening
,and she needs some peace.

It gets you thinking of if you were happy,i bet the trees would be in blush,they would be silence,happiness and at one with peace.Their would be no riot n her heart or around only the sound of her boys laughing and te dog rubbing against her knee,and she would of been fast asleep that night hearing the sound of silence and the cool beautiful september gusts.

Its wonderful because you visilise,and its so real.
Im in awe denise :) :)

I read it again today a few times ,spot on girl :)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:28 pm
by dks
:roll: Stop. I wouldn't hang up my pen for anyone--especially yucky boys. :P :lol:

I was being facetious, Stephen--too bad you can't get tone on here. :?

:)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:35 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
Denise did i explain your beautiful poem ok sweetheart ;) :)

Have you any thoughts or ideas of your next one :) 8)