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Circus

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 10:29 am
by Saturn
Circus

How long can it continue,
This circus between us?
I wear the mask well,
The clown you play with skill.

No audience applauds
Our acting these scenes
We play so well together
But is it all just an act?

Am I nothing but a fool
Walking that tight-rope,
The high-wire between
Your favour and wrath?

In jest you tell me
Of other men's desires,
As if I had none,
I hold my peace and laugh.

You say "Lets run away",
In a half-serious tone
As if I wouldn't crawl
Everest for your sake.

"Lets get married" you joke
As if it were the furthest
Thing from my mind:
As if I were immune.

I don't even know
What to call us now;
A tragedy, comedy
Or strange melodrama?

Is this a torture
Is this true love,
Or something else:
A cruel captivity?

Are you so blind
You cannot see
I hang on every word
You've said to me?

Surely it's not that I
Act my part so well,
That of disinterest
That you cannot tell.

How long can it continue,
This circus between us?
I wear the mask well,
The clown you play with skill.

Saturn

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:12 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
Circus
Great ,saturn because its so emotonally grabbing and the theme of the circus i like it very much.You question which i love

How long can it continue,
This circus between us?

You regard the relatinship a circus,like a show put on which is a great way to put it,is a circus an act or real,thats the question you ask yourself

We play so well together
But is it all just an act?

I love that image of the tight rope because sometimes to get their the tightrope has to be walked,one side is good the other is bad

I totally understand that she never maybe understood your desires,maybe couldnt see what you needed and to give out


You say "Lets run away",
In a half-serious tone
As if I wouldn't crawl
Everest for your sake.

Conflicting,you need a serious,honest tone from her and maybe she didnt see how serious you were and that what you wanted was not a circus but a life,as real as the day and with her being up and down creates this circus,not knowing what one another wants,its really clever way of forming it into words

Lets get married" you joke
As if it were the furthest
Thing from my mind:
As if I were immune.

Again i get she plays the clown ,joking not taking her or life too serious but again you need her to be serious and maybe settle down to see and feel your desires and listen to your heart and mind


A tragedy, comedy
Again which one is it you question,to question is brave and i like how you ask these things because their important,you stand up for what you want and stick with what you want.Yet throughout the poem you know love is their because you ask passionately needing to know an answer in order to see,

The relationship you and her,you cant put a definant word on it ,because you question its confusing,funny up and down you need her to see and not be blind


How long can it continue,
This circus between us?
I wear the mask well,
The clown you play with skill


You wear a mask maybe in front of her she doesnot see the face underneath,that also could be she sees you more on the outer she has trouble finding your inner,your heart neath the mask,you desire neath the mask.


Brillant saturn did you just write that :D

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:50 pm
by dks
:shock: Wow. I don't think I can do Edward's thorough critique any further justice.

Once again, Saturn, good man, you have crafted another delicate, great, tangible piece of heartache and longing. I like the repetition of the following stanza--it aids in imparting the bubbling passion:

How long can it continue,
This circus between us?
I wear the mask well,
The clown you play with skill.


I love this:

Is this a torture
Is this true love,
Or something else:
A cruel captivity?


Ouch. Oooh. Yeah--the memory still smarts a bit. Try being married into that...

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:14 pm
by Richard
OWW
Raw understatement, :cry: do you read WH Auden much? :)

Richard

Richard

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:26 pm
by edwardkeenaghan
Hey richard take a look of Denises poem Boulvard its fantastic :D :D :D :D

Re: Circus

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 10:19 pm
by AhDistinctly
Saturn wrote:I don't even know
What to call us now;
A tragedy, comedy
Or strange melodrama?

Love this bit. To me, this IS the definition of passion, as all three are overtly emotional in their own way.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:53 pm
by Saturn
dks wrote::shock: Wow. I don't think I can do Edward's thorough critique any further justice.

Once again, Saturn, good man, you have crafted another delicate, great, tangible piece of heartache and longing. I like the repetition of the following stanza--it aids in imparting the bubbling passion:

How long can it continue,
This circus between us?
I wear the mask well,
The clown you play with skill.




Being totally honest I ran out of steam and thought "Shit what am I going to write? Hell why not repeat the first verse?" :roll:

That's the truth.

Give me credit for writing the truth, not art, for I have none.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 5:06 am
by dks
Richard wrote:OWW
Raw understatement, :cry: do you read WH Auden much? :)

Richard


Not sure whether you're asking me or Saturn, Richard...I love Auden...