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Ode to Insomnia

PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:16 pm
by Kaki
Sorry...

:)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 10:09 pm
by woolf_fire37
Hey, I like yours. :) MUCH better than mine. But here it is... so you won't feel alone.

-----

To Kingdom Hearts

What is this obsession that clings
To my dear heart with such fervor?
All other desires it flings
To be nothing but a murmur.
Oh Kingdom Hearts you plague me so!
My life you have taken from me;
Oh, Keyblade, Sora, Ansem, why?
Countless hours I spend and grow
And in that world I cease to be
And become that which lets me fly.

Oh how I love the power I feel,
Unbound by the laws of physics.
My joy I cannot easily conceal
When exposed to such joyous tricks!
How I love to jump and to glide
And fight as if I know how to
And run all day without tiring.
Oh, Sora! Jump and fly and slide!
For I cannot here do as you
Without some bones breaking.

-----

Yeah, it's pretty sad, writing an ode to a video game. But I'm just really bad at poetry. :P

Re: :)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 10:23 pm
by Saturn
kwalsh25 wrote:
Yeah, it's pretty sad, writing an ode to a video game. But I'm just really bad at poetry. :P


That's about a video game? :shock:

Poems can be about whatever you like, whatever you get passionate about.


Good stuff both of you welcome on board.

Hope you like the site. :D

PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:53 pm
by Kaki
Oh, I love it kwalsh! I will admit I never found kingdom hearts horribly enthralling, but I love how you used something like that for your ode! I mean insomnia, pah, it's been done I'm sure, but kingdom hearts is pure genius. Croy'll love it too!

:)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:55 pm
by woolf_fire37
Ha! Thanks. :) I just wish it flowed better. Or at all for that matter. :P

Anyway, thanks for the comment Saturn. But is the comment "That's about a video game? :shock:" a good thing or a bad thing?

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:08 am
by Saturn
A good thing :D

If you can write that about a video game think of what you could write on more elevated themes :shock:

Kaki's Ode

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:44 am
by Papillon
From a non-poet, here are my thoughts on "Insomnia":

Favorite line: Spiders creep delicately across my stiff skin

Line that doesn't seem to fit (out of context): Only a craving beast on the fly. (although I did enjoy the "craving beast" part...it was the "on the fly" idiom that "stuck in my craw").

Burning pus???? Blech! Sounds like Keats' "oozing" in "To Autumn."

Overall, well done!

kwalsh

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:47 am
by Papillon
Wowweee....Amazing stuff! Croy'll definitely like it! ;)

My husband (who plays the game himself) also enjoyed the poem. And as an outsider looking in, I can definitely relate to how the game absorbs all your time.

So question....do you think that Keats would be up for a good game of Kingdom Hearts? I bet he would! (heehee)

my poem

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:58 am
by uniqueniqueib
i dont want to be out of the lope here is my ode, p.s it is in iambic pentameter

“To the Ocean”

Mysteries are seductive, engaging,

And irresistible. You are the same.

What lies beneath? Your face is calm taking

Me to a world of sweet peace. Yet, untamed,

Wild, and powerful, you are a stealer

Of lives, of souls, and hearts. That is what pulls

Me close to you, your danger and beauty.

Your waters are refreshing with killer

Looks of crystal clear blue. Your looks a fool

Makes me. You will never depart from me.


Kwalsh i love your poem Kingdom hearts is probably one of the best games ever invented, God had to have made it lol.

Kaki i think you are one of the best english students ever.

:)

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:36 am
by woolf_fire37
Wow, thanks for all of the positive comments! I feel a bit better about my ode now. :P

uniqueniqueib, I really like your ode. Very engaging. :)

Re: my poem

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:54 pm
by Saturn
uniqueniqueib wrote:“To the Ocean”

Mysteries are seductive, engaging,

And irresistible. You are the same.

What lies beneath? Your face is calm taking

Me to a world of sweet peace. Yet, untamed,

Wild, and powerful, you are a stealer

Of lives, of souls, and hearts. That is what pulls

Me close to you, your danger and beauty.

Your waters are refreshing with killer

Looks of crystal clear blue. Your looks a fool

Makes me. You will never depart from me.




That's very beautiful I love that.

Re: my poem

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:51 pm
by Kaki
uniqueniqueib wrote:
Kaki i think you are one of the best english students ever.


Oh, my goodness thank you. :oops:

I absolutly love your poem, I can't even pick a favorite line... Well, maybe the first line, the use of seductive, engaging and irresistible live up to their meanings. Like in "Keen Fitful Gusts", The first line of that poem makes you want to whisper the whole thing, you use the same kind of power on the reader only it's more of an attraction that forces everyone to read it.

It's aslmost like having an affair with adjetives, if such a thing is possible. Irrelevant either way I suppose.

I admit I'm rather jelous that I have problems writing in meter and you can write it so easily. :( However, I am in love with your poem, thank you so much for sharing uniqueniqueib.

Re: Kaki's Ode

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:56 pm
by Kaki
IBanEnglishTeacher wrote:From a non-poet, here are my thoughts on "Insomnia":

Favorite line: Spiders creep delicately across my stiff skin

Line that doesn't seem to fit (out of context): Only a craving beast on the fly. (although I did enjoy the "craving beast" part...it was the "on the fly" idiom that "stuck in my craw").

Burning pus???? Blech! Sounds like Keats' "oozing" in "To Autumn."

Overall, well done!


Yes I admit the "on the fly" part was just to keep a rhyme goinig. I usually write in free verse, no rhymes, rhymes for me are usually unintentional unless I am struck with some random inspiration that just happens to rhyme, in which case I generally struggle to maintain the rhyme throughout... I was aiming for something of the affect of "oozing" I am thrilled I suceeded. :D

Re: :)

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 4:39 am
by The Killing Light
wolf_fire37 wrote:Hey, I like yours. :) MUCH better than mine. But here it is... so you won't feel alone.

-----

To Kingdom Hearts

What is this obsession that clings
To my dear heart with such fervor?
All other desires it flings
To be nothing but a murmur.
Oh Kingdom Hearts you plague me so!
My life you have taken from me;
Oh, Keyblade, Sora, Ansem, why?
Countless hours I spend and grow
And in that world I cease to be
And become that which lets me fly.

Oh how I love the power I feel,
Unbound by the laws of physics.
My joy I cannot easily conceal
When exposed to such joyous tricks!
How I love to jump and to glide
And fight as if I know how to
And run all day without tiring.
Oh, Sora! Jump and fly and slide!
For I cannot here do as you
Without some bones breaking.

-----

Yeah, it's pretty sad, writing an ode to a video game. But I'm just really bad at poetry. :P


I think it's amazing beyond all belief. Kingdom Hearts is definitely worth all of that--it's poetry in its own unique form...of swordfighting...and Disney! Mwahaha!

I know I've wished on many occasion to be able to do some of those fantastic acrobatics with Donald and Goofy.

But seriously, taken out of context, somebody would probably think you were writing about a book you read and being...absorbed into it... ...neat. :D