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A brief exercise in romantic free verse

PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:10 pm
by loverofwisdom
Wonders of the Night (Particularly need help on title)

To have held your warm body once
In my arms--that throbing temple
Speaking to me in muted tones
Of ancestral tales of passion and of virtue,
vice, exultation, liberation--
To have held you once has--
Inspired, mystified, fortified, and nullified
The ceaseless calculations and gyrations
Of a heart ran cold from solitude
And like a hearth died from scarcity of fuel
Needed only a new object--a new source of ignition--
To be rekindled--To be revived
And Upon my revival--Upon my burst into this brave new world--
World of emotion and fancy unleash'd,
Unadorned of the silly artifice of our phillistines--
I say to you--
"Let not me sleep, nor rest,
But love and in loving,
wrench my heart from its breast."

PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:33 pm
by Kaki
Brave new world...

Hmmm, a quote from the Tempest and the title of a book... Oh, my IOC is getting to me :cry: I don't want to read the Tempest again!!!

IB finished...

Back on topic:
It is interesting how there is no rhyme until "last three lines". Is there any reason you wrote most of the poem in prose? It has a very interesting effect, and finishes the poem well.
As for the title how about Wonderous Night? Or something like that...

Hey, Saturn try a rhyme for the end of a poem and see if it helps ease your troubles with the endings :wink: Tis worth a shot, no?

Re: A brief exercise in romantic free verse

PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:52 am
by Saturn
loverofwisdom wrote:Wonders of the Night (Particularly need help on title)

To have held your warm body once
In my arms--that throbing temple
Speaking to me in muted tones
Of ancestral tales of passion and of virtue,
vice, exultation, liberation--
To have held you once has--
Inspired, mystified, fortified, and nullified
The ceaseless calculations and gyrations
Of a heart ran cold from solitude
And like a hearth died from scarcity of fuel
Needed only a new object--a new source of ignition--
To be rekindled--To be revived
And Upon my revival--Upon my burst into this brave new world--
World of emotion and fancy unleash'd,
Unadorned of the silly artifice of our phillistines--
I say to you--
"Let not me sleep, nor rest,
But love and in loving,
wrench my heart from its breast."


Welcome loverofwisdom - great first post!!!! :D

The only criticism is that some of the lines are too long. Try and keep the lines with the same number of syllables if you are writing verse.