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3 a. m. Drive

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 2:46 am
by AsphodelElysium
Same subject, same person, etc. There are some kind of obscure references in this, so if anyone has any questions, please feel free.


3 a. m. Drive


Struggling to write with frozen ink
on this drive filled with the
intimacies we’ll never share.
Finding comfort in the soft, whirring,
hush of tires on glassy, black pavement,
caressing the curves of the road
like a lover’s body.
The high, strained sound of my voice singing.
The radio replies, There’s a devil waiting outside your door.
As opposed to the Wolf.
Blurred, orange streets and a whirlwind of leaves
catching the ghostly gray smoke from a finished cigarette.
They do not know my fatal loneliness,
what it is to be locked inside with
those feelings that are mine alone.
Bound to silence.
The love I cannot not share
and can no longer hide
as the ice thaws and all that is yours
clutches at my heart.
Hoping the bloodstains will wash out of my sleeves.
These busy reflections in my too-alert brain
icy as the wind that has chilled my hands and thighs.
Knowing, that indeed, time heals all wounds,
though, the thought of that medicine is as
poisonous as the wounds that made the need.

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 9:33 pm
by Saturn
Oh that is wonderful, painful and touching :sad:

This part just aches with such sadness it brought a tear to this cynical old eye.

They do not know my fatal loneliness,
what it is to be locked inside with
those feelings that are mine alone.
Bound to silence.
The love I cannot not share
and can no longer hide
as the ice thaws and all that is yours
clutches at my heart.


Thank you very much for sharing this with us AE.

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 11:33 pm
by AsphodelElysium
Thank you, Saturn! But please don't be sad. It hurts me to think my poor words caused any pain, despite the various functions of poetry.

I actually have a question about form...

This particular poem has been criticized for being "too expository." Do you think maybe I'm telling more than I'm showing and, if so, does it work or not?

PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 10:59 am
by Saturn
Can I be honest and say I have no idea about form or the mathematics of poetry I just write myself what feels right and what makes sense for me.

As for being expository...crikey!!! I wonder what the person who said that would say about my heart-blatantly-on-the-sleeve poesies :shock:

You have written something very personal and meaningful to you and presumably to the other person concerned, only you can truly know what the feelings you are describing are like, no poem, however good can expose true feeling that much.

I wouldn't listen to criticism like that.

PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 12:15 pm
by AsphodelElysium
That's totally okay. I was just wondering. If you have any questions and/or are interested in the mathematics of it, let me know. I've been endoctrinated with it for years. :? In any case, it was a professor who used to write poetry and now doesn't because he can't tell the difference between poetry and pretty prose. I'd like to believe it doesn't really matter. Pretty prose is poetry.

Your poesies are wonderful and anyone who tells you different is an idiot. You're right, I should just let that particular criticism go. I mean this is the same prof. who admitted that he gave us bad advice on our stuff because he was jealous and didn't want us competing with him. I mean geez. :roll:

As for who the poem was written for...it is very probable that if he even suspected that any of my poetry was about him, much less the nature of it, I would be swiftly and brutally cut from his life.

Hence my pain.

PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 2:21 pm
by Saturn
As for who the poem was written for...it is very probable that if he even suspected that any of my poetry was about him, much less the nature of it, I would be swiftly and brutally cut from his life.

Hence my pain.


We're in the same boat there :cry: :cry: :cry:

PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 3:13 pm
by AsphodelElysium
:( :( :( :( :(

Well, you know what they say. Misery loves company. At least we can all commiserate together with our poetry.

I'm very sorry. I know with mine that I asked for it. I was a fool to feel the way I did knowing what I did, so...I have no excuse really.

PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 5:30 pm
by dks
AsphodelElysium wrote::( :( :( :( :(

Well, you know what they say. Misery loves company. At least we can all commiserate together with our poetry.

I'm very sorry. I know with mine that I asked for it. I was a fool to feel the way I did knowing what I did, so...I have no excuse really.


Don't be so hard on that beautiful heart you have, AE. Your words ache with tangible pain--and that is poetry-expository or not. The Neoclassicists would've considered Blake and Wordsworth to be expository, too, and so... :!:

We can't choose who we love, but we can choose the words to describe the feelings associated with them...thank the Muse!

PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 1:54 am
by AsphodelElysium
Thank you, Denise. You're right. The true essence of poetry is in the process, not the product. Its just hard sometimes when its been hammered into you to be objective, objective, objective. Sometimes you lose touch with the feeling that was there to begin with.