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Subsistence

PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 11:36 pm
by Saturn
I'm not sure about this one at all, it's very weak and reminiscent of other things I've written but I like the second and the last stanza.

Think of this one as an afterbirth, a sort of residue of more beautiful creations.

Subsistence


I must cut a wild
And lonely figure
Wandering here
Naked, facing
This starvation,

For subsistence
A barren waste
I scrape. I scour
A desolate plain
With instruments,
Old broken tools
Unfit for the task.

Is't survival alone
That drives me?
No. I'm greedy,
I want more:
Surplus my aim;
Excess my goal.
Bring me stores,
Luxuriant crop,
A plentiful hoard
Harvested now
And every day
From henceforth.

Our ancestors
Had all needs,
Within the reach
Of spear point.
Brilliantly clear,
Brutally simple:
Was the heart
Unfelt, unknown
When primal
Instinct ruled?
________

PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2007 3:00 am
by Brave Archer
I like this Saturn, especially the third stanza-- particularly the first lines

Is't survival alone
That drives me?
No. I'm greedy,
I want more

It's something I can relate to, that extra motivation that pushes you to go farther, to get more because somehow what I have just doesn't seem to be enough.

Hell, you might have meant something entirely different with it, but either way I do like this poem, Saturn, good one.

PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2007 2:39 am
by AsphodelElysium
I really liked this.

I must cut a wild
And lonely figure
Wandering here
Naked, facing
This starvation


I also enjoyed this.

Was the heart
Unfelt, unknown
When primal
Instinct ruled?


I've often wondered this myself. I think the question is still relevant now.

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:19 pm
by Saturn
Thank you both :P