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Distant Star

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:15 pm
by Saturn
Distant Star

I'm a stargazer, probing the sky
With apparatus too poor to see
But rarely in my sight a glimpse,
A sparkle of your majestic form.
You feel now to my weak eyes
Like some distant star drifting
Far off on the verge of space;
Remote from communication.

Only the slightest vacillation
Reminds me you still exist
Though often your signs
Trick my mind that contact
Is possible and intelligence,
Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.

Technology fails to reach
That which I send returns
Back empty, disappoints
Fond hopes of discovery,
Yet still I search for you
Every night watching
With eternal patience
For signals as you pass
Across the bright-lit face
Of an immense galaxy
Lifeless except your glare.
______________

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:56 pm
by AsphodelElysium
Another beautifully sustained metaphor. I particularly liked this image:

A sparkle of your majestic form.
You feel now to my weak eyes
Like some distant star drifting
Far off on the verge of space;
Remote from communication.


And this:

Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.


My favorite, though, is the last stanza. It has, and I mean this in a good way, an almost science fiction feel to it, like you could build an entire story around the last stanza. I'm not sure about the last line. I think the poem could work without it, but if you were to make a story of it, I don't think the story could. I'm still puzzling over it. In any case, this is fine specimen. :)

PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:26 pm
by dks
Firstly, any poem about the heavens is a hard one to pen right--you do such a beautiful job with your metaphor and so as not to loosen the reigns on your extended images about the stars/night sky...plus, you've rendered lovely language here:

Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.


and this:

Yet still I search for you
Every night watching
With eternal patience
For signals as you pass
Across the bright-lit face
Of an immense galaxy
Lifeless except your glare.


You have that knack for straightforwardness and stark imagery folded in complex and progressive extended metaphors...you are quite a talent. I am reminded of that everytime I read your poetry, Stephen. I simply love it.

Who, by the way, would glare at you? Better hope I never meet them...

PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:45 pm
by Saturn
dks wrote:
You have that knack for straightforwardness and stark imagery folded in complex and progressive extended metaphors...you are quite a talent. I am reminded of that everytime I read your poetry, Stephen. I simply love it.

Who, by the way, would glare at you? Better hope I never meet them...


Once again you make me blush Denise :oops:

I really like sustained metaphors. I get easily annoyed by poems that bombard you with many different metaphors which are either incompatible or contradictory. A little allegory rather than a jumbled mess of ideas is what I appreciate more.

As for glare...glare here is not used in the sense of a facial expression but in the sense a luminescent glow.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:22 am
by dks
Ah, yes, ok...sorry... :oops:

Beautiful poem, though. It's very delicately written...

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:11 pm
by Saturn
Delicately?

Delicacy is not my forte I'm afraid, this was another five or ten minute wonder :lol:

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:35 am
by dks
Saturn wrote:Delicately?

Delicacy is not my forte I'm afraid, this was another five or ten minute wonder :lol:


Yes, I agree...your expedient penning of verse is a wonder...it takes others of us quite longer... :!: