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The Shepherd

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 3:34 pm
by Megan
This is my second best poem. :oops: I tried to inhabit a man’s mind when writing it. Any comments as to how well I achieved this transgenderation would be welcome. Did Keats ever transgenderate?

Meg



The Shepherd

I look across the valley towards Pen Bryn Mawr
Over the rolling hillocks where the gorse is gloriously a-flower
The sun and wavering grass induces evening sleep
In me, my dog Fly and my flock of woolly sheep

The sun sets in the west over Llanyrhyl Hill
The wind has died down now and everything is still
My day’s work here is very nearly done
And soon I’ll go to the village and have some boozy fun

The shepherd deserves a drink or two
After a day of working so true
Then back to bed at an early hour
To rise at sunrise like a budding flower

The shepherd’s life is the one for me
I can’t imagine another so carefree
Honest sweat and calloused hands
The finest of men in these farming lands

PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:19 am
by AsphodelElysium
Meg,

First and foremost, welcome to the forum!

I always admire a poem that can pull off heroic couplets well and this does so. Its just so easy for them to become sing-song but your couplets are very strong. I particularly liked this one:

Honest sweat and calloused hands
The finest of men in these farming lands


I didn't really think of your narrator as being either male or female, it felt like it could be either one. Then again, I don't think of shepherding as a strictly male profession, so that may have something to do with it. In any case, you've written a good poem all the same.

Because I am of a feminist bent of mind (not feminazist) I am curious why you chose to write from a male perspective? Is there any particular reason or anything?

I'm not sure about Keats. I can find out for you, though.

Look forward to seeing more! :D

PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 2:05 pm
by Saturn
AsphodelElysium wrote: Meg,

First and foremost, welcome to the forum!


This.

Meg your poem is great I can almost feel the wind and see the sun shining on the lonely shepherd.

I love hill poems. What is it about mountains and hills that make them so romantic and frightening and majestic all at once?

The romantics knew it, they were all hill walkers and mountain climbers and the greatest hill poems were written by the romantics no question.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 6:48 pm
by dks
Meg!

I love your embodiment of the wandering shepherd...it feels of an ancient Celtic countryside--your imagery is precise in its stark rendering of what the shepherd actually feels...I love these lines:

I look across the valley towards Pen Bryn Mawr
Over the rolling hillocks where the gorse is gloriously a-flower
The sun and wavering grass induces evening sleep
In me, my dog Fly and my flock of woolly sheep


fantastic alliteration and repetetive 's' sounds...it's lulling...

Bravo! And Welcome.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:49 pm
by Megan
thank you all for your kind comments :D
its made me feel brave enough to post some more

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 2:07 pm
by Saturn
Good for you.

No-one should be nervous or intimidated about posting their stuff.

We're all friends here no-ones going to bite your head off if you stick it above the parapet.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:28 pm
by Megan
Oohh I'm enjoying this! Thank you all for your welcomes. :oops:

One of the many fascinating things about hills is their size. They are not as big as mountains, mind, but still pretty big! I read somewhere how much hills weigh, but like so many other things, I have forgotten how much they (hills) weigh.

And yes, they can be scary too. Imagine one falling on your head!

Meg

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 6:19 pm
by Malia
Yes, welcome, Meg! And please continue to post your poems :) I've always been intrigued by the male perspective in literature and I almost invariably choose to write from the male perspective when I compose stories and/or poems (if I choose to speak from a gendered perspective). I think it is because I already know what it's like to be a woman (not that all women have the same experience, by no means, but it is interesting to imaginatively explore a perspective that you cannot ever fully understand--such as the perspective of the opposite gender). What inspires you to write from the male perspective?

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:10 pm
by Megan
Diolch

I suppose, like you, I am only too familiar with what it’s like to be a woman. It’s sort of somewhere between Helen Reddy:

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

and Peggy Lee:

I can wash out forty four pairs of socks and have 'em hangin out on the line
I can starch & iron two dozen shirts 'fore you can count from one to nine
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the dripping can
Throw it in the skillet, go out & do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
Cos I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again

This was the first time I tried to get inside a man’s brain (is that an oxymoron?) :wink: :lol: I suppose I did it as a challenge and to see how it felt. I think I might do it again.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:14 pm
by Saturn
This was the first time I tried to get inside a man’s brain (is that an oxymoron?)


"Ouch baby! very ouch!!"

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:11 pm
by AsphodelElysium
This was the first time I tried to get inside a man’s brain (is that an oxymoron?) ;)


:lol:

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:18 pm
by Saturn
:(

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:24 pm
by AsphodelElysium
Saturn wrote::(


Aww now, don't be sad. It was meant in good fun. :wink:

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:32 pm
by Saturn
Some us do have brains that are not below the waist :wink:

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:36 pm
by AsphodelElysium
Saturn wrote:Some us do have brains that are not below the waist :wink:


Then all of you are across the Atlantic for there are none in America. :D