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Heaven on Earth

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 5:25 pm
by Megan
This is one of my earlier poems. I hope you all like it.

Meg



Heaven on Earth

Over there! look! Can you see?
Against the sky, the lightning tree
That’s where we had our first kiss
My husband and me

He was twelve, I was ten
He from Caersws, I from Dolwen
He kissed me softly, lingering a little
We were not married then

Summers came and summers went
Our love it grew, as if Heav’n sent
He always treated me so well
He always was a gent

We got married on our wedding day
In nineteen ninety seven on the twenty seventh of May
In the Chapel in the village
Which was the Village Way

We had a child not long after
I stayed at home and became a handicrafter
My husband left me for another
It was no time for laughter

I knitted wool and plaited cotton
And soon his leaving was forgotten
I decided then to live alone
This life was not so rotten

And now I’m happy as can be
I sometimes sit ‘neath the lightning tree
And watch my sheep as they play
And then go home for tea

PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 12:12 am
by AsphodelElysium
Wow, what a strong poem. Again, I like the stanza format and your use of alternating rhyme. The basic structure of the poem underlies (and in that way augments) the serious subject matter.

I like the image of the strong, independent woman, particularly one who is stronger after having suffered. Its a wonderful symbol of resilience and perserverance.

I also like how you name specific places. Its gives the whole poem a familiarity that really invites the reader to feel at home. Good stuff!

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:08 pm
by Megan
Diolch!

Although Welsh place, and farm, names are often beautiful, they are notoriously difficult to rhyme.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:17 pm
by AsphodelElysium
Megan wrote:Diolch!

Although Welsh place, and farm, names are often beautiful, they are notoriously difficult to rhyme.


You're welcome! Difficult or no, you still do a stand-up job of it. :D