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Patience

PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:57 pm
by Saturn
Patience

I am patience itself:
Patience is a man
[Always a man]
Manacled by chains
From his own forge.

Do we not fashion
For all our desires
A tiny sliver of hope,
A trinket of belief?

Grubby-faced, black,
Mired by the days
Watching sunlight
In thin shafts creep
Across a dank wall.

My clothes in rags,
And spirits underfed
I begin to wear thin,
To feel life and hope
Taper away to bone.

When comes light?
When is freedom?
Will these eyes see
Your sweet smile again?

How much longer
Will separation last?
Have I not been
A joyful captive
Smiling at my grief?

Have I not fed
With all heart
On little crumbs
And of them
A banquet made?

If ravenous I seem
You make me so.
If desperate I look
Absence makes me
Tear my eyes out.
__________

PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:22 pm
by dks
There are many reasons why I love your poetry, Stephen...but this one here calls to mind a couple that stand out and always surprise and amaze me...

...you have a marvelous ability to fashion very taut metaphors--they are compact and crafted with hearty meaning, so they never run amuck or seem in the slightest bit like meandering rhetorical tropes. Here's an example of what I mean:

The very first line is a powerful declarative, metaphoric opener--

I am patience itself...

You then move on to give patience a human man's qualities...but instead of allowing patience to morph in this tortured human man about whom you speak, you tie that monolithic metaphor back to its original form: a quality or condition--patience as an attitude would certainly 'do' (if patience could act and talk and operate like a human man) something like this:

Have I not fed
With all heart
On little crumbs
And of them
A banquet made?


You do this very thing again when you mention patience or the man "smiling at [his] grief." Do you see that magnificent subtlety in your own work? You may be surprised to learn that those intricacies are exactly what helps to make poetry memorable and impacting to the reader...but not every poet has the ability to do this...

...indeed you should be very proud of this one...it's uniformly great... :!:

Let me also apologize here and now for being so bastardly absent from here...I've been working on my thesis and obsessing over the coming year with new students and whatnot...I may possibly be teaching another grade level along with British Lit and my seniors, so I've been caught up in that a bit... :oops: I've missed my beloved forum...

PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:25 pm
by Saturn
And we have missed you of course!!!

No apologies are required, and thanks once again fro your kind words on my work it means a great deal, but you know that already.