for those of you that write verse

Here you can post YOUR OWN poems, prose, music, or art inspired by the 'Muses nine'.

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for those of you that write verse

Postby thenewaustria » Tue Jun 22, 2004 1:19 am

just a suggestion

would anyone be willing to post the verse he/she regards as the best of their work to date?

cheers
thenewaustria
 
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Best verse to date?

Postby Saturn » Wed Jun 23, 2004 3:17 pm

I'm always wary of judging my own work too much - it's impossible to be impartial since no-one else, except you guys, has read any of it. Anyway, this is a poem which, while I hope not the best I can do, might appeal to Keats fans, as it shares some of the themes of 'Hyperion'. It' s therefore a bit derivative, but here it goes:

The Gods awake

Year by year, temperatures rise,
The flood enroaches more each day;
Earth shakes, impatient and creaking
Wide with mighty displeasure;
Rebel icebergs break their chains;
Primeval magma yearns to be free.

All nature seems to have risen up
Against milennia of man's abuse.
The terrible dawn of revenge
Will be bloody and swift.
The arsenal of the world
Is potent, deapite man's
Cunning re-invention of death.
We have unleashed the beast -
The monstrous hydra of Atoms.

Too long have we provoked them;
Those sleeping, deposed monarchs
Of the unpossessed frimament.

Olympus has been dusted down,
Given a new sheen of ambrosial dew.
The mighty limbs of the gods,
All moss-covered and mouldering,
Flourish with a new flush of ichor.

From their limbo of retirement,
They grow restless to return
To their abandoned domains.
Zeus feels the need to shoulder
Once more his awful thunderbolts.
Poseidon, parched, out of his element
Longs for the cool depth of ocean.
Hades strains his huge eyes,
Yearning to behold his dark realm.
Apollo, impatient, waits to guide
Once more his fiery courser team
To hover above Zodiac's rim.


Signs of danger flash to the wise.
The ancient demons's repose ends.
Old belief, like the mammoth
Has thawed, but is delicate.
Yet it challenges the edifice
Of toothless, aged opinions,
Which, struggles blindly
To answer modern concerns.
Rot has set in, and the poison,
The mildew, eats at divers sects,
Slowly decaying the bulky fabric
Of extravagant, erring creeds.

So, open up the temples wide.
Garlanded, offer due sacrifice
To appease these resurgent deities,
Lest their handmaid, Nature,
Takes the field, panoplied
With her horrid aegis of disaster.
______________

Phew, what a slog!
Last edited by Saturn on Sun Jul 18, 2004 10:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby Matt » Thu Jun 24, 2004 11:47 pm

'On England Losing'

One long walk home,
Just alcohol on my breath,
No songs of joy, no anthems,
Not even more alcohol.
Three shops run by Pakistanis shut,
All three of them due to a power cut,
No one sings
And no one knows whats happening,
Worrying,
About the colour of my skin
And the clothes i'm wearing.
Does my new top with these jeans
Match the colours of the other team?
Worried about so many things
But I dont know what i'm worried about,
At least theres no louts about.
Not where I am anyway.
Come on England


Anyone! Please let me know what u think of this one!Stephen?
Matt
 
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A topical poem!

Postby Saturn » Fri Jun 25, 2004 2:52 pm

A very topical poem Matt - great to see you using everyday experience in your work (so unalike my own affected grandeur) - no topics should be excluded from poetry.

While, as an Irishman, I have little love for the England team, I was disappointed to see England mess up a penalty shoot-out again - that's four tournaments they've gone out in that way - this is getting ridiculous!

I actually (despite the triumphalist hatred of some of my countrymen) wanted England to do well, and it seemed that they had a real chance with Rooney leading a great strike force - it seemed they had a real opportunity to win something again.


About the poem - call me stupid, but please tell me there's not a hint of racism in there - I sure I'm mistaken, just set me at ease.
Are you saying that you were worried for your own safety because you are a black guy in England, or a white guy in a predominantly Asian area after the game?

Apologies to non-football (soccer) fans for intruding on the forum!
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby Matt » Fri Jun 25, 2004 5:20 pm

About the poem - call me stupid, but please tell me there's not a hint of racism in there - I sure I'm mistaken, just set me at ease.
Are you saying that you were worried for your own safety because you are a black guy in England, or a white guy in a predominantly Asian area after the game?


Theres no racism at all no, but i can see how it might be mistaken. I particularly like the line 'Three shops run by Pakistani's shut/All three of them because of a power cut'-That is just a cynical comment on the violent nature of SOME, actually, MANY English football fans.

As for the colour of my skin. I'm white and i live in a predominantly white area. Again, this was another snipe at my fellow English fans. Watching the game at a local pub I was disgusted at some of the things I heard by the white people watching the game. The poem deals with my genuine thoughts and feelings when I walked home from the pub after the game. I genuinely thought and it wasnt a racist thought at all, but i genuinely thought 'Am i white enough to avoid possible attacks from Angry Fans'

Strange feeling that was. It looks ridiculously childish when I look at it now.

I need to amend the poem too. I dont like the rhyming at the end. It seems more like a rap
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Postby Despondence » Fri Jun 25, 2004 6:08 pm

Oh come on Matt, don't be so apologetic; that's almost more an offense than actually offending. I saw no racism at all in your verse - in fact, I can identify with it a great deal, being a Swede living in the Netherlands. Tomorrow is the game between the two, and while I've been watching the games down at the english pub with my fellow countrymen so far, I'm not sure I'll have the balls to do so tomorrow. I'm seriously considering pulling on an orange shirt and keeping a low profile, should the swedes actually win... 'Am I blonde enough' indeed. (sorry to see you get kicked out, btw - Svennis will have some serious issues now! Were I not already behind the claret haze, I'd write a poem about it...)
Despondence
 

Apologies for my stupidity

Postby Saturn » Fri Jun 25, 2004 8:45 pm

:shock: Sorry for causing a bit of a non-topic - of course Matt's poem wasn't racist, it's my stupidity in not recognizing that he was actaully having a go at the thick-headed thuggish idiots with nothing better to do than throw tables about because of a footie match.

Republic of Ireland for 2006!!

(One can but dream)

P.S. the poem's fine - it gives a picture of the real England fan, not one of those numbskulls always showing them in a bad light.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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