Sonnet -- When in the dreary hour of decline

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Sonnet -- When in the dreary hour of decline

Postby Despondence » Tue Apr 11, 2006 12:12 pm

While not directly a dedication to Keats, this sonnet was deeply inspired by "When I have fears.." (that's all your fault, dks, and your recent mystic obsession..) I hope it's not quite so gloomy as the title might suggest :) Happy to hear people's comments on it, hope you like!

When in the dreary hour of decline
I sit and think on life’s untrodden ways,
And how they left, bereft of their sublime,
My sum of waking hours and all days;
When fond remembrances shall cease to bear
The yoke of blissful sleep, and every dream
Reveal thy comely countenance: I fear
The end of night, and dawn’s dispelling beam;
Thus like a weeping willow I becloud
My soul in tears. Yet do I tend a space
Where even silence seems too like a shroud
Of woe—And wistfully I lift my gaze
Above the emerald boughs, where skylarks play
In warbled rhymes, entreating me to stay.
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Postby dks » Tue Apr 11, 2006 4:02 pm

Despondence, I love your sonnet! Lines/phrases I especially like are: "comely countenance," "dawn's dispelling dream, and "where skylarks play in warbled rhymes." It is a nice paean to Keats in its word music and keenly delivered pathos. Bravo!

I don't know if anyone here (besides Malia--whose sonnet I read and I thought was equally great) has ever tried their hand at metered and rhymed verse--it's not easy to do, and even more difficult to do well.

I've attached a sonnet I just recently wrote--it's a first for me, as my work is mostly lyric, but free verse with internal rhyme. I'm not looking for any deep veined exegesis here...but just so you know, I tend to favor evocative metaphors in my poems--it's easier to get my feeling across that way...also, it still lacks a hearty title.

Sonnet

A checker spotted caterpillar crawled
Easily from the hibiscus flower
To the leaning off shoot of lush leaves sprawled
Out in the breeze, a beckoning bower;
Its tiny strides over stepped each other
To get to the laurel mead of fresh, green,
Drizzled blades drooped, hectoring in a hover,
Steering the checker spots back where they’d been;
Once before, little worm, you’ve aspired
To reach the prime pick of your hungry wish;
So few strides, or is it countless, tired,
Treading prints on the stem that holds your dish?
It may be yours to rend on the way home,
But you’ll eat just as you’ve journeyed alone.
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Despondence » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:00 am

Thanks for the praise, that made the effort all worthwhile :) (though methinks you were piling it on a bit, but I shan't complain!)

dks wrote:I don't know if anyone here (besides Malia--whose sonnet I read and I thought was equally great) has ever tried their hand at metered and rhymed verse--it's not easy to do, and even more difficult to do well.

If you have time some day you should look through this section of the forum, dig through the pile a year back or two, and you'll find a lot of weird and wonderful stuff!

dks wrote:I've attached a sonnet I just recently wrote--it's a first for me, as my work is mostly lyric, but free verse with internal rhyme. I'm not looking for any deep veined exegesis here...but just so you know, I tend to favor evocative metaphors in my poems--it's easier to get my feeling across that way...also, it still lacks a hearty title.

Hey that's a nice sonnet, I like it - very picturesque and earthly. Reminds me of the sonneteering duel between Hunt and Keats on the grasshopper and the cricket :) Looking forward to reading more of your works!
Despondence
 

Postby Malia » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:18 am

Great poems, both of you :) Thanks for sharing them!
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Postby Credo Buffa » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:27 am

Beautiful, Despondence! I can definitely see the inspiration from "When I Have Fears". You have a wonderful mastery of the form; it reads very fluidly, and a great variety of phrasing and word choice that makes it very pleasant to read :)

And I love the imagery in your sonnet, dks! It's so easy to visualize the scene you're describing.
"Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!"
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Postby dks » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:45 pm

Thanks, Malia and Credo. I always look forward to reading poetry on here--for we have such talent abounding among us... :lol:
I'm arrogant about my fellow forum-ites...
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Postby dks » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:48 pm

Despondence-I told you your sonnet was par excellence...look at your reader's comments!

No, you'd know if I was "laying it on thick"--I'm a Sagittarius, ok? I can't even lie well in print. :lol:
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Brave Archer » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:33 pm

I think both poems are wonderful, I am envious of the two of you. It's really pointless for me to write what in the poems I like, everyone has said what I would've. Despondence, do you have anything publish'd? I love sonnets, mainly because I think they're very difficult to write, but when well written, take on a language and a structure all there own. Great work, both of you.
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Postby Despondence » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:20 pm

Brave Archer wrote:Despondence, do you have anything publish'd?

No (not poetry, anyway). I'm terribly inconsistent in my writing, as I only write on impulse when the mood comes on, and the quality is usually very uneven. Only rarely do I achieve something that I like well enough to post here.. But we keep trying :) To paraphrase a famous scribe: "What choice have we but to dictate the voice of our Muse?" (Saturn)
Despondence
 

Postby dks » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:15 pm

Despondence wrote:
Brave Archer wrote:Despondence, do you have anything publish'd?

No (not poetry, anyway). I'm terribly inconsistent in my writing, as I only write on impulse when the mood comes on, and the quality is usually very uneven. Only rarely do I achieve something that I like well enough to post here.. But we keep trying :) To paraphrase a famous scribe: "What choice have we but to dictate the voice of our Muse?" (Saturn)


You're not kidding about the Muse!! Mine is male...he's elusive at times.

Thank you, Brave Archer. But I'll bet there's poet stock in you--

Despondence--the best poets were inconsistent, moody, and uneven--just take a good gander at Byron and Shelley.
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Postby Saturn » Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:15 pm

Despondence wrote:. But we keep trying :) To paraphrase a famous scribe: "What choice have we but to dictate the voice of our Muse?" (Saturn)


:?: :shock:

What the hell?
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Postby dks » Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:21 pm

Saturn wrote:
Despondence wrote:. But we keep trying :) To paraphrase a famous scribe: "What choice have we but to dictate the voice of our Muse?" (Saturn)


:?: :shock:

What the hell?



:lol: :lol: :lol: Have I mentioned how much I love this forum??!
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Saturn » Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:38 pm

Firstly I'm not famous, not a scribe and I don't rememebr ever saying those words :lol:

Despondence you are too kind :oops:
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby Despondence » Thu Apr 13, 2006 12:01 am

Saturn wrote:Firstly I'm not famous, not a scribe and I don't rememebr ever saying those words :lol:

You are certainly a scribe, and by most standards pretty famous. And here's to refresh your memory:

http://www.john-keats.com/phpboard/viewtopic.php?t=292#824

:P
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Postby Saturn » Thu Apr 13, 2006 12:12 am

:oops:


Forum Admin doesn't know how to use 'search' function :lol: :roll: :oops:

Thanks for the link Despondence :P

I never looked at things that way before - I suppose in some weird way I am famous :shock:

I'm available for Bar Mitzvahs and weddings :wink:
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