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Sketch for a poem

PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 11:48 pm
by Saturn
I don't quite know what to do with this little sketch or draft of a poem - not sure whether to end it or carry on further - it's very simplistic and samey I realise but it was written in the heat of the moment as they say so has a specific meaning for me.

When love stings the fragile sense
I felt I could be a poet once again,
Navigate once more Fancy's realm
But satisfy? ease? my hot desire?
Who’s a lover but not a poet too?
To a poet all that there is, speaks,
All things seem to wear soft smiles.

Yet…Sloth and Lethargy pin me
In the wretched arms of Longing:
That prickly gaoler burns me
With the searing coals of desire.

The fire in my heart is consuming
Raging, you scorned it once before
And dampened all my dreams.
Your bluntness a weapon, a tool
Which battered my feelings to dust
Though you didn’t wish to wield it
Every word was a thousand knives
Piercing my bruisèd bloody heart.

You people asked for it, my muse is this dull really

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:52 am
by Malia
Yea Saturn! Great to see you flirting with your muse again :)

You ask a very interesting and Keatsian question:
"Who's a lover but not a poet, too?"

Can't wait to read more!

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:57 am
by dks
Saturn, you are a poet!

Phrases I especially like are:

Who's a lover but not a poet too?
all things seem to wear soft smiles

dampened all my dreams

your bluntess, a weapon
which battered my feelings to dust.

Beautiful word music, Saturn. Your poetry oozes a simmering passion...whomever wounded you, made you stout of heart, indeed.

More, please.