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I Finished It!!

PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 5:07 pm
by dks
This metaphor taunted me for a long while--it's finally finished. I hope anyone reads it... :? I know, I know--you all may say, "This is what she labored over?" It's the subject matter that I skated on...


Sometime during
The match
His doughty
Sashes and banners
Blustered his ken,

And furrowed her seat
Instead of his player’s eye.

Now she has
A bent
For two.

A bounty of tokens
Pledges and pacts
Won’t ever get her
That polestar back.

Who was it
That said chivalry is dead?

This is why
The mooning queen lies
Tended, in clover,
With the king by her side
And a man in her head.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:29 pm
by Saturn
Your poems are always so mysterious and hard to understand [not YOUR fault, probably my denseness] dks - I suppose the best poems must have a bit of mystery to them, or meanings for the author which no reader can ever fully comprehend.

I can only just about get what the gist of this one is.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:14 pm
by dks
No--they're not all hard to understand...this one is, though, I know.

It's unfinished and it needs reworking--I'll get on it. I promise to clear the's what's happening here, though...

The sashes and banners would be attached to a lance or quintain--as in a
jousting match.
I didn't want to include the stark image of the lance.
He cleaves her seat or bench--where she's sitting (also a double
meaning--'seat' or 'heart.') since all of his banners get in the way of his
line of sight and he misses his opponent almost putting her out--but grazes
her by 'furrowing her seat'--she is traumatized and then has a 'bent for
two' afterwards--does and wants everything in pairs--all his fault--it is
suppose to have humor to it...and a hint of pathetic tone--she's a 'mooning'
queen---she's a bit of a crazy...

Saturn--don't you think theimage of the lance is too stark and renders then a sexual double meaning?? :?:

PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:20 pm
by Saturn
dks wrote:Saturn--don't you think theimage of the lance is too stark and renders then a sexual double meaning?? :?:

I thought that was intentional - must be my dirty mind :shock:

Honestly the poem is fine as it is - it's very good.

Don't change it because of my ignorant and simplistic view :roll:

PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:23 am
by dks
No, no,'s not that. Someone else read it and said it was difficult, too.

It needs reworking...but to add the quintain or lance image...hmmmm. What to do? :?: