Jealous love

Here you can post YOUR OWN poems, prose, music, or art inspired by the 'Muses nine'.

Moderators: Saturn, Malia

Jealous love

Postby Saturn » Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:49 pm

Jealous love

My love it is a jealous one.
Lovers all would say such
If honest truth be told.
I'm jealous of the shoes
Carrying you away from me.
I curse these rebellious arms
For letting you go free so soon.
And I damn that cursed train
Whisking you from my sight.
I blame too these weak eyes
That cannot fix your gaze.
I envy the clothes you wear
That daily caress that body
I yearn to hold so close.
I'm jealous of that babe
That steals all the kisses
That I wish were for me.

Love is so small a word
For so colossal a thing
A breeze is no hurricane,
A wave is no high tide,
A shaft of light no star
To Apollo's bright eye,

Love does not compare
Cannot in justice define
The yearning of a soul,
The bleeding of a heart,
The vast ocean of brine,
The fevered headache
Or this passion of mine.
_______
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
Saturn
Forum Administrator
 
Posts: 3939
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2004 10:16 am

Postby dks » Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:58 am

:shock: I missed this beautiful piece...!

How breathless and passionate...and tied together so lovely at the end with a couplet.

The metaphor works very well in the first long narrative...and the end packs an emotional punch...I love this:

Love is so small a word
For so colossal a thing


and the breathing end...

Love does not compare
Cannot in justice define
The yearning of a soul,
The bleeding of a heart,
The vast ocean of brine,
The fevered headache
Or this passion of mine.


So lovely, Stephen...this is great poetry...
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
User avatar
dks
Dante
 
Posts: 1469
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:14 am
Location: Texas

Postby Saturn » Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:44 pm

Aw shucks :oops:

I think the last two stanzas are better than the first.

The first is too busy, too packed with images but I intended it to be like that, awash with the emotion of the moment, while the next two stanzas are reflective of the passion of the long-term.

Or something like that :lol:

I'm not very good at analysis, even of things I've written myself.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
Saturn
Forum Administrator
 
Posts: 3939
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2004 10:16 am

Postby dks » Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:49 pm

Yes, the first stanza is densely depicted--but it works and flows and it's purposeful.

Edward pointed out last night how he really liked this:

I'm jealous of the shoes
Carrying you away from me.


He really liked the originality in that metaphor. I, too, love that. The whole first stanza is quite innovative.
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
User avatar
dks
Dante
 
Posts: 1469
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:14 am
Location: Texas

Postby Saturn » Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:55 pm

Can I admit a slight borrowing of that metaphor from a line in a film :oops:

The metaphor, not the exact words.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
Saturn
Forum Administrator
 
Posts: 3939
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2004 10:16 am


Return to ‘Where’s the Poet? Show him! Show him!’

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests

cron