Distant Star

Here you can post YOUR OWN poems, prose, music, or art inspired by the 'Muses nine'.

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Distant Star

Postby Saturn » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:15 pm

Distant Star

I'm a stargazer, probing the sky
With apparatus too poor to see
But rarely in my sight a glimpse,
A sparkle of your majestic form.
You feel now to my weak eyes
Like some distant star drifting
Far off on the verge of space;
Remote from communication.

Only the slightest vacillation
Reminds me you still exist
Though often your signs
Trick my mind that contact
Is possible and intelligence,
Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.

Technology fails to reach
That which I send returns
Back empty, disappoints
Fond hopes of discovery,
Yet still I search for you
Every night watching
With eternal patience
For signals as you pass
Across the bright-lit face
Of an immense galaxy
Lifeless except your glare.
______________
Last edited by Saturn on Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby AsphodelElysium » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:56 pm

Another beautifully sustained metaphor. I particularly liked this image:

A sparkle of your majestic form.
You feel now to my weak eyes
Like some distant star drifting
Far off on the verge of space;
Remote from communication.


And this:

Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.


My favorite, though, is the last stanza. It has, and I mean this in a good way, an almost science fiction feel to it, like you could build an entire story around the last stanza. I'm not sure about the last line. I think the poem could work without it, but if you were to make a story of it, I don't think the story could. I'm still puzzling over it. In any case, this is fine specimen. :)
"Let me not wander in a barren dream,
But, when I am consumed in the fire,
Give me new Phoenix wings to fly at my desire."
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Postby dks » Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:26 pm

Firstly, any poem about the heavens is a hard one to pen right--you do such a beautiful job with your metaphor and so as not to loosen the reigns on your extended images about the stars/night sky...plus, you've rendered lovely language here:

Life is there beyond belief,
Among the tiny fragments,
Across the black minefield
Of such a desolate waste.


and this:

Yet still I search for you
Every night watching
With eternal patience
For signals as you pass
Across the bright-lit face
Of an immense galaxy
Lifeless except your glare.


You have that knack for straightforwardness and stark imagery folded in complex and progressive extended metaphors...you are quite a talent. I am reminded of that everytime I read your poetry, Stephen. I simply love it.

Who, by the way, would glare at you? Better hope I never meet them...
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Saturn » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:45 pm

dks wrote:
You have that knack for straightforwardness and stark imagery folded in complex and progressive extended metaphors...you are quite a talent. I am reminded of that everytime I read your poetry, Stephen. I simply love it.

Who, by the way, would glare at you? Better hope I never meet them...


Once again you make me blush Denise :oops:

I really like sustained metaphors. I get easily annoyed by poems that bombard you with many different metaphors which are either incompatible or contradictory. A little allegory rather than a jumbled mess of ideas is what I appreciate more.

As for glare...glare here is not used in the sense of a facial expression but in the sense a luminescent glow.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby dks » Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:22 am

Ah, yes, ok...sorry... :oops:

Beautiful poem, though. It's very delicately written...
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Saturn » Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:11 pm

Delicately?

Delicacy is not my forte I'm afraid, this was another five or ten minute wonder :lol:
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby dks » Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:35 am

Saturn wrote:Delicately?

Delicacy is not my forte I'm afraid, this was another five or ten minute wonder :lol:


Yes, I agree...your expedient penning of verse is a wonder...it takes others of us quite longer... :!:
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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