Awkward.

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Awkward.

Postby Saturn » Fri Nov 24, 2006 12:14 am

Awkward

"Awkward" you said:
Your first thought
When you thought
Of me.

It pains me
But I know
It's true.

I do stumble.
I always reel
In front of you.

Stupor dulls me,
Dulls my sense.
Insouciant; I sway
Tangled in the trail.

Like a drunkard
I babble
Incessantly.
Your presence
Worshipping
I stagger.
A zealot
Bows not
As often
As I.

Non-sense
Has become
My dialect.

Intoxication
Has its lows:
Torpor bites
My silence.

Blood is drawn -
Bitter tasting
From my lips.

Bent-double
Heartstrings
Are strained.

This illness
You mock
Unknowing.
Laughing
At my pain.

My drug
Is you.

You are
The cure.

Is there rehab
For an addiction
Like this?
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby Kaki » Fri Nov 24, 2006 3:16 am

That's a rather abrupt ending... I like the poem though, this may sound strange but I'm going to say it anyway, it's like walking and then stumbling suddenly at the end, which fits in some strange way though I'm not sure how, but I generally don't like abrupt endings so that's the part that bothers me a little bit, partially because I'm a bit of a klutz myself... Now I'm going off topic, turkey's starting to get to me.... Back to the poem then, uh, oh, I was wondering if you always write with many short lines, that seems to be a habit you have from the poems I've seen. Is there any reason for that or does it just come out like that? Just curious.
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Postby dks » Fri Nov 24, 2006 3:42 am

Ah, straight from the annals of your heart, Saturn...I love it...I love that immediacy you capture in your fortrightness...that's always good--your poetry in that regard...I always love that and can always recognize a Stephen piece when I see it...

I particularly love this:

Stupor dulls me,
Dulls my sense.
Insouciant; I sway
Tangled in the trail.

Like a drunkard
I babble
Incessantly.
Your presence
Worshipping
I stagger.
A zealot
Bows not
As often
As I.


:shock: Always a pleasure to read your work, Stephen--always.
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Saturn » Sun Nov 26, 2006 12:30 am

Kaki wrote:I was wondering if you always write with many short lines, that seems to be a habit you have from the poems I've seen. Is there any reason for that or does it just come out like that? Just curious.


There's no great mystery here - I don't pretend to be a methodical poet, but a truthful one.

Well I'll tell you the truth - I only write short lines like that because its my [probably mistaken] perception of what 'modern' poetry is supposed to be - plain English and

As to the ending...I never know how to end a poem so I just quickly decide to wrap them up with some kind of simple resolution.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby Saturn » Sun Nov 26, 2006 12:33 am

dks wrote:Always a pleasure to read your work, Stephen--always.


Thank you Denise for your kind words as always. That means a lot to me and I truly mean that.

As I've said before you are my critic and my audience and I appreciate your your views.
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby dks » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:00 am

Saturn wrote:Thank you Denise for your kind words as always. That means a lot to me and I truly mean that.

As I've said before you are my critic and my audience and I appreciate your your views.


No need to thank me. You are the same to me--a good, solid symbiotic relationship doesn't happen very often in life...I cherish ours.

By the way...please don't forget to read my post in the Help and Homework section--I need the supportive nudge and any input possible... :!:
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Postby Saturn » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:04 am

If you'll read my last few poems apart from this one :wink:
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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Postby dks » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:07 am

Saturn wrote:If you'll read my last few poems apart from this one :wink:


Were they posted? Well? Where are they, good man?
"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the Truth of Imagination."
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Akward

Postby Richard » Sun Nov 26, 2006 7:50 pm

Whats is this thing called, love?
Is it a poem?
It is the truth
Last edited by Richard on Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Akward

Postby Saturn » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:23 pm

Richard wrote:Whats is this thing called love?
Is it a poem?
It is the truth


Ah...one of the great mysteries of the Universe.

That...and After Eights...
"Oh what a misery it is to have an intellect in splints".
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